JPMorgan's Earnings Report: Because Who Needs Investment Banking Fees When You Have Credit Card Swipe Fees to Cry About?

JPMorgan, the banking giant that's been around since the dinosaurs roamed the earth, just had its earnings report and it's a real laugh riot. The company's stock took a 4% nosedive after they announced that their investment banking fees were lower than expected, because who needs to make money from advising companies on mergers and acquisitions when you can just charge people exorbitant credit card fees? The report was also pressured by President Trump's vocal support for legislation to curb those very same credit card swipe fees, because apparently, someone has to protect the common man from JPMorgan's predatory practices. Meanwhile, December's CPI data showed that core inflation is steady at 2.6%, which is just a fancy way of saying that the cost of living is still too darn high, but hey, at least rents are down 1.3% year-over-year, so you can finally afford that studio apartment in Brooklyn for the low, low price of $3,000 a month. The real question is, what's next for JPMorgan? Will they find a way to make money from thin air, or will they just have to rely on their trusty credit card fees to keep the lights on? Only time will tell, but one thing's for sure, their earnings report is a real page-turner.