GitHub Engineers Finally Fix Bug, Immediately Introduce 17 New Ones, Business as Usual

GitHub, the platform where developers go to store their code and occasionally find a working build, has been tackling the issue of managing defense systems at scale, because who needs security when you have duct tape and prayers? Thomas, an engineer on the Traffic team, has been leading the charge, and by "leading the charge," we mean he's been trying to fix one bug without introducing 17 new ones, a task that's proven to be about as easy as getting a developer to write clean code. Meanwhile, the company has introduced post-quantum secure key exchange methods for SSH access, because quantum computers are coming for us all, and we need to be prepared to securely transmit our cat videos. In a shocking turn of events, GitHub's engineers have shared their best practices for quickly identifying, resolving, and preventing issues at scale, which mostly involve sacrificing a few interns to the coding gods and hoping for the best. With a user base that's still trying to figure out how to use Git without losing their minds, GitHub's efforts to improve security and stability are a welcome change, almost as welcome as a functioning CI/CD pipeline or a code review that doesn't make you want to pull your hair out.